…that never fights and laughs through life like Mary Poppins is their mother.

I mean that’s not too far off.

I am pretty great.

By my own calculations.

And I sing a lot.

Like. A lot, a lot.

Seems like I’m close.

Don’t ask my kids.

Back to the Brady Bunch.

I wish I could say that all of these beautiful children came from Steve and I together and that none of them had suffered through the divorce of their parents or the discomfort that comes with creating a new family.

But that isn’t our reality, so naturally there has been conflict. Fighting between siblings is hard, but fighting between step-siblings – this has been next level for me.

Our family has come so far in the 3 years we’ve been together and here are some take aways that Steve and I think might be helpful to you. I focus on the blended part of our family but there are elements of all of these that apply to every family!

1. Stay out of the emotion of the kids’ fights. This is SO hard because for a blended family it is so easy for everyone to immediately take sides, run to their camps, throw up the walls and hate the other family. This sounds extreme because it feels extreme. If Steve and I stay above the emotion of the fights, we are much better equipped to help our kids work through their disagreements or fights.
2. Help everyone feel heard. A common theme in our home is people feeling misunderstood. I read a piece of advice that has stuck with me since before marrying Steve and it said, “you judge your own kids by their intent and you judge the other parent’s kids by their actions.” How true this has been. When we pause to hear a kid out, we realize that at the root of the issue we find hurt, fear, loneliness, isolation, dashed hopes and dreams or other feelings that are very relatable and validated. Let kids talk until you find the root.
3. Don’t force apologies. It’s so easy to push the apology first because obviously that’s what will fix the problem, but sometimes that causes more resentment. Forcing a kid to apologize skips the key step of fixing the problem…and the apology isn’t sincere. Allow kids to apologize when they are ready without allowing them to continue to cause hurt when emotions are high.
4. Have kids help in the process. I hate tattle tales. And we have a lot of them around here! 😂 One of the affirmations I do with my kids is, “I can solve my own problems”, but there are definitely times when they can’t and they need an adult to step in. In these situations, I bring the kids together and I first have each one tell me what THEY did wrong. This is so hard for them. They immediately want to justify what they did or only tell what the other person did. I don’t let them. It is important that each kid takes accountability for their part in the problem. Once everyone has told what they *might* have done wrong…because it always starts with “I might have…” 😂…I go around and validate each person’s feelings. Then I ask them what we can do to fix it. Sometimes when they come to me and I start this process they say “nevermind, we’re good!” and they fix it themselves because my way of fixing it takes too long. 😂
5. Have a comfortable and private place for kids to process emotions. Sometimes contention is caused by kids being over-stimulated or having big emotions that they don’t know how to handle. This is one of our “whys” behind HuggaBuddies. We wanted to create toys and snuggle gear that deliver comfort and love through the good days but also through the bad. Our weighted blankets (they’re 5 lbs!) calm anxiety and improve sleep. Our plush stuffed animals are the perfect companion to snuggle. They elicit feelings of comfort and security. They’re also perfect for play therapy since we have a BigBuddie and BabyBuddie. Our journals are a great place to process emotions through writing. When you get big feelings out on paper, you can organize your thoughts better or rip it out and burn it! It’s very healing! Having these tools in your kids’ bedrooms creates a safe space for them to grow into emotionally intelligent humans.
6. Make conflict resolution fun when possible. There are times when it is appropriate to make light of things and those times call for a moo-off. We got this from Katy Perry on American Idol and it was too funny not to try. When two kids are disagreeing, they have to get down on all fours, with their heads down, facing each other and on the count of 3 they lift their heads and moo until one person laughs. It is hysterical. We might have gotten all the kids together last night to practice for future “moo-offs” and it was the best. You can join the chaos on our instagram.

Conflict is a part of life but the earlier we can give our kids the tools for working through it, the more successfully they can handle conflict in the future.

And now, because we are pros, we have zero conflict in our family.

Ever.

Haha. Yes, I’m delusional.

But, I will say, our moments of contention are getting shorter and further apart!

Wow, you made it to the end!

That’s dedication! To thank you, I’ve added a little Easter freebie to this week’s email. Happy Easter! 🐣